The Marine (2006) - DVD Review
File This Cheesy Action Flick Under 'Guilty Pleasure'.
Remember those post-Arnie, straight to video muscle movies? Packed with testosterone, pecs and six packs, they often starred Jean-Claude Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren. The plots were predictable, the dialogue dreadful; what they did have to offer were set-piece fight sequences and a string of cheesy one-liners.
It was a curious phase. Perhaps the blame should like with Chuck Norris, who really pioneered that kind of action movie, graduating from the chop-socky Hong Kong tradition of fight movies into something more westernised. Plots often (but not always) featured an embittered soldier of war and would ride the then-trendy wave of vigilantism in film; a lone warrior, brave enough to tread where law enforcers feared, breaking bones as he went.
Think of those movies and you're on the right track to knowing what you should expect from The Marine, a return to that form. While many will slap their foreheads in despair at such an idea, others will enjoy the dubious delights of putting the grey matter into neutral for a hundred minutes or so of rippling muscles and noisy explosions. Lots of explosions.
Overview of The Marine
The film stars John Cena, former pro wrestler. He looks a bit like Matt Damon pumped full of steroids but without the range or acting chops. Still, there's something charming about him despite his thespian limitations, a kind of puppy-eyed heel that can pack a mean roundhouse if you happen to bat for the wrong side.
The movie kicks off with a funny title sequence - a mini Cena, dressed in ceremonial marine garb, salutes next to the movie logo, against a stars and stripes backdrop. It's Patton meets GI Joe, which is strange given he gets drummed out of service inside of ten minutes.
You see, the prologue shows us how Cena (or Triton, as he's known here) goes deep into Al Qaeda territory. He's told to hold back, but when he sees his buddies about to be decapitated in front of the cameras, he crashes in with gun blazing. It's like the opening of The Naked Gun, or the best scene in Team America: World Police - only, it's not really going for laughs. But it is funny.
His superiors aren't impressed with his maverick approach so he gets thrown out of the military. Back home, his wife tells him it will be OK . They hug, semi-nude, the camera mostly ignoring her curves in favour of his. Triton gets a gig as a security grunt but his maverick approach gets him thrown out of there too.
The Marines got Great Balls of Fire
The main plot, for what it's worth, concerns a bunch of evil jewel thieves, led by a leering Robert Patrick. A surprisingly effortless heist ends in the callous slaying of law enforcers - then, for good measure, one of the crew launches a missile at the patrol car, resulting in a ridiculous fireball. This is the first of many fireballs that don't seem to affect anyone an inch away from the burst radius.
While on the lam, the thieves stop off for gas. They kill pretty much everyone, but don't bank on Triton and his wife just happening to stop by. Triton endures a fireball while his wife gets taken hostage, for no clear reason. The gas station goes nuclear but Triton runs in slo-mo to a nearby police interceptor, clothes intact.
He gives chase, and so it goes for the rest of the movie - he catches up with them, they shoot millions of rounds at him and never hit, he leaps from exploding things and is repeatedly left for dead, only he isn't. At one point, one of the goons says 'he's like the Terminator!' which makes Robert Patrick raise an eyebrow - after all, he played the T1000 killing machine in Terminator 2. That's about as sophisticated as it gets.
The Marine: Summing Up
It's all very silly but if you like this kind of thing, it's enjoyable in a goofy sort of way. Special note goes to the location - South Carolina - a state seldom used in US movies, in spite of the lush scenery. Strangely, not one SC accent is heard from any of the locals, though.
The Marine certainly won't win any awards or accolades but if you fancy some mindless entertainment, it's worth a shot.
The Marine
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